Sunday, February 22, 2009

Moving to Philly (hopefully)

As you may or may not know, i dislike FL a lot. I think its made for people have have an IQ lower then a retarded cockroach. People are WAY to fucking slow and im not talking about old people. Im talking about and random analfuck walking the streets. The WORST possible drivers from PA, NJ, and NY would be classified as top notch NASCAR drivers compared what goes on here. Just the other day while i had the awesome gratification of sitting at a red light...which ill get to later, but there was a guy in the LEFT lane going to make a LEFT turn. I saw the green arrow....and the guy was sitting there.......hmm...then people started honking at him...hey you taint sniffer, move your ass...and turn off your gay FALL-OUT BOY music and get off your cellphone before i RAPE your mother in front of your kids!! Well i could have cared less since i was the other lane but this guy waited fully til the light was RED... again. I just sat in my car and laughed. But lets get back to the "RED LIGHTS" in Florida. if you are at ANY light in the state of FLORIDA then your vehicle needs to be equipped with an IN-DASH DVD player, an xbox, a lawn chair, sun-screen, and $5. Ill get to why u need all this very shortly. If you live in PA or some other city then your lights are possibly 20-30 seconds TOPS. Here in florida...well shit...as you pull up to a RED light your forced to sit there for...well....put it this way.......i could call over a hooker have her give me a handjob for $5, then turn on my in-dash DVD player thats got xbox360 hooked up and play about 40% of GTA IV to settle my aggravation. Then i could put my car in park, get out a lawn chair, grab my sun-screen, and set it up on the sidewalk next to me while i read todays paper that i stole from the businessman waiting for the bus while i get a tan. After all then i could get back in my car, and STILL have enough time to listen to side A of a harry potter audio book narrated by Movie-Douche, Tom Cruise. As im flipping to side B the light would turn green only to stop at ANOTHER red light 50 feet down. Oh wow another red light, now i have time to pay my bills, go to the DMV, and wait in line for the new iphone....(u know, the new iphone that has copy and paste, 32 gigs, MMS messeging, voice dial, video recording, ability to run more then one program at a time.....you know stuff it SHOULD HAVE HAD A YEAR AND A HALF AGO!) But anyway you get my point.....or at least never travel by CAR in the state of florida......go rent a SEGWAY. Its economy efficient and will get you to your destination probably faster then your 2010 BMW* sitting in your garage. (*really your 1994 ford escort, but is what you TELL people you have) I really think you need to pass some kind of literacy test to become a Floridian. Stuff like:

1. if a train A leaves philly at 9am, and train B leaves Los Angeles at 10am..then at what time will train A leave philly?

2. If you have an orange and a pear, and u take the orange away what do you have?

3. If Susie is running a lemonade stand and is selling lemonade for 5 cents a cup and serves 32 people lemonade, then what product is Susie selling?

4. True or False: The color black is actually green.

5, True or False: The word FALSE is spelled F-A-L-S-E.

6. Multiple Choice: If Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, and Donatello of the Ninja Turtles had a conference meeting where would it be held?

A. Apple Headquarters
B. back seat of KIT from Knight Rider
C. Iceland
D. Who gives a shit, because non of them exist

7. If you could be a invisible for one day what would you do?

A. Secretly have sex with your sister
B. secretly have sex with your cousin
C. secretly have sex with Fred Savage of the wonder years
D. Rape as many woman who ARE NOT FRED SAVAGE and who ARENT related to me.

8. If you drove to work on Monday at 9am, then came back from work at 5pm that VERY same day, then What day of the week is it?

9. If Dale Earnhart Jr died in the Daytona 500, would you still live in a trailer?

10. How many MILES are in the Daytona 500? HINT: the number starts with a five and ends in double zeros.

Im sure 80% probably couldn't answer these questions.

Ok so i hopefully will be moving to Philly very soon, I just hope someone will call me within a week because i sent out like 50 resumes last week to every possible Tech Job within a 30 mile radius of Philly. I also found out TODAY that i WONT be receiving unemployment i applied for the 26th of January. Yeah it took these lazy fucks an entire month to process a claim. Fact is if you get fired from your job and NOT laif off.....FL wont pay you. YOu should have seen the application i filled out. It asked me some pretty asnine questions about my last job stuff like:

Where did u work,
how long did you work there,
who is your supervisor,
what is his name,
why did u leave
if u where fired what was it for?
What what did your supervisor say to you when you where fried
How many warnings where you given before your termination
Where they VERBAL or WRITEN or BOTH
When where the warnings given to you
Did you receive anal sex from your manager
When was the last time you took a shit at work, and for how long was it for
Did ever think about having sexual relations with a co-worker
Does your company allow you to masturbate in the womans bathroom if no one was using it
Did you steal a pen, a staple, a sheet of paper, stay at the water cooler more then 5 mins
Have you ever come in late and tell your boss it was due to traffic when really u just slept in?
And finally, DID YOU EVER GET THOSE COVER SHEETS ON THE TPS REPORTS?


I wish i was joking about the 1st 10....it took me about an hour and half to fill all this horse FLOP. In PA it was simple
"Where u fired, laid off or did u quit? and if u answered, quit, then u cant claim. PA doesnt give two fucks why u where fired unless it involved criminal activity. At this time i would like to give 2 big FUCK YOU's to the following:

My ex-manager SHAWN KENT....thats right i USED his FULL NAME...hope u die in a coma while you have aids as Magic Johnson takes his "AIDS PILLS" in front of you laughing.
The State of FL for telling me basically you can SUCK COCKS IN HELL before we give you FREE MONEY! well gues what......COOL! FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!


And now this is the END of my BLOG so telephone, tell a friend and telemundo!! Its back, with class, style, twists, and lots of language not suitable for any cunt who is offended.....
and i leave you with the following quote:

"And if i OFFENDED you GOOD.......CUZ i STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK!"

-Eminem, Slim Shady LP

No comments:

Post a Comment