The Way of My Life

Ok, this might shock some people or even might make some people look at me differently. But I wrote the following in about an hour or so. Its just what I have going thru and I chose to express myself this way, and not just a rant. So here it is, enjoy and make some comments either at the bottom or on facebook to tell me what u thought.

can't understand the reality of my life, just don't wanna put down this jagged ass knife, can't even find me a nice girl to make my wife. As I look through the other side of this window pane, all I feel is sadness and pain, everyday seems like clouds of rain. Livin this way makes me go really insane. When I look into the future I never picture success, because all my life I've been a damn mess.
Even when I try really hard i just don't seem to progress.
Every year goes by like hands on a clock,
You just cant live life as if it were a boardwalk.
Ten years just went by like a speedin car
I feel that my life is just sub par
No one really gives a damn if you too go far
I wish I could go back to when I was a child
Back when I was really wild
A time when things were a lot more carefree
When I didn't care about a college degree
I'm talkin about no cell phone calls and pages
Back when people slaved for minimum wages
When I thought being 30 wasn't for ages
Now its twenty oh nine
And I'm 27 and almost past my prime
Things seem really bad to where I can't even save a dime
All I can do is sit here wasting time while I put out another rhyme.
When I come to reality it sure is scary
Its like the 2000 election and results may vary.
I wake up in the morning just like everyone else does
Only problem is that I don't seem to go anywhere and my life is sittin here on pause.
I don't think its normal to think about death every single day
Or if I killed myself what people would say
Some think kurt cobaine had the wrong answer to the question
But is not caring if you die a sad impression?
Or maybe its just a crazy obsession.
Last time I was happy it was 2003
And ryan seacrest was new to TV
Things for me just went to hell after that
I just went nowhere in no time flat
I drank more then a kid who joined a frat
Downing drinks made life temporarily great,
Little did I know it could decide my fate.
Every job I've had I've been fired from
DUIs and fuckin random girls may seem dumb
But back then I was walkin to the beat of a different drum.
I would drink myself until my whole body was numb
Still I couldn't make enough money to even support a bum.
I knew I couldn't live like this very long,
So I packed all my shit cuz I didn't belong
Moved to the good ol sunshine state
A place where I could start a clean slate
I found myself a nice job and a place to call my own, a place as big as the georgia dome.
I made a few friends but nothing like the ones I had at home.
3 years later I'm back at square one
No job, and nothin I do is any fun.
Some people think I'm silly
But I really wanna move back with my boys in philly.
I'd rather go back to the good ol days
Drinkin beers on weekends and catchin some rays.
Not being thousands of miles from people who care, cuz finding friends like I have is pretty damn rare.
If I had only one goal, it would be to find myself real happiness inside my own soul.