Have you ever watched tv or listen to the radio (yes such format STILL exists) and then you hear something like "....was rated #1 by JD Power and Associates..." I would like to go head and really dis-agree with that....cuz its probably more like "ok yeah our product really sucks ass....but at LEAST we have it rated #1 by a totally USELESS company that no one even knows who or what the fuck they even do!" Well guess what...im here today to fill you in on such information. Now before you fuckers "wiki" this company or start saying shit like "wow u dont know what they do?" im not here to LITERALLY fucking tell you EXACTLY what they do....or this blog would be...well pointless to YOU and me....cuz who the hell wants to read about such ridiculous fat hog seman. SO im gunna give you a typical run-down secnerio of what goes on at the company. First let me start off with the name......JD... POWER AND Associates? well the only conclusion i can come to is the JD stand for Jack Daniels because that what they are ALWAYS drinking at meetings....and the word POWER was just thrown in there to give it more fucking ridiculous PAZAZ! and the "ASSOCIATES" are just Random fucking people that happen to be WORKING in the same building and just call these other people in for daily meettings to call them "associates". SO lets set up a meeting in the beginnign of the day in a medium sized board room. There are about 15 people at a table who all have 5 shots of JAck Daniels and redbull each. Now the head guy in charge has his shitty power point presentation up just to look important when he really has no goddamn idea what hes even doing since hes more hung over then John McClain. So the meeting starts of with every1 doing a SHOT together and to chase it with redbull. So then the head guy has a a picutre of some useless product that never sold so now that have to it their SEAL of approval so it will sell more just because its got "JD POwer and Associates" slapped on the fucking commercial now. SO read the following and i have given u detail for everything:
Head Guy Running Metting: Hey Steve!!! wake the hell up!!....i know your wifes ugly but we gotta get shit done here.........loook this pissa shit fucking car ....u see it??? WHAT DO U LIKE ABOUT IT!??
Mike: umm....its got wheels? and....its BLUE?
HGRM: EXCELLENT perfect..i like your attention to detail...youll go far.....so would u rate this #1 compared to say a 1975 Dotson?!
Mike: uhh.....wow yeah sure....but hold on i gotta take 2 more shots....WHOOO HOO! YEAH #1!
HGRM: great NEXT UP..... TIM......customer service for tmobile...i know its SHITTY and u gett Shaquilla answering the phones like shes got more important shit to do then take your FUCKING call because YOU dont know how to look at your bill online....
Tim: yeha actually i called them last week because of the 1-900 charges when i called a tranny asian hooker for phone sex i "claimed" didnt come from me.....and told them musta been some one stealing my ideneidty....so they called me back 3 days later and bought it.......so yeah i would DEF say Customer support is top not......
LeeRoy: MAAAN what the fuck u smokin....i called those mufuckas last night and wouldn't even take a four dolla charge off my account....and on top of THAT tried to fuckin sell me PHONE insurance in case i lost it...when my question had nothing to do w/ that........
Tim: i know that shit can happen.....but at least at the end of every call they say "thank you for calling tmobile, have a nice day"
LeeRoy: .......yeah....that is TRUE......good point....yeah YO LETS ALL TAKE ANOTHER SHOT!!
Every1 in room: YEAHHHHH WOOOOOOO TMOBILE #1 in CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!
HGRM: ok anyone know what this is on the screen here?
Some Dude that no ones knows and came for the free shots: is....is that a new iphone??!
Random Guy finishing up his 4 lines of coke: AHHHHH umm ACTUALLY it is....its a prototype apple has been working on for half a decade now...and plan to release in 2010.
Free shots guy: its just a wand?!!
Coke guy: ive got the prototpye right here......catch.......now push button "A"
Free shots guy: holy fuck! this thing is like that holigram in starwars.....and all u do push the on screens hologram buttons in the AIR?!! WOW im sold.....
HGRM: yeah....best part is apple is paying us a cool 15 mil to tell every one that its the best phone ever created and has 10 awards by "JD POWER and Associates, including BEST DESIGN" which in fact we dont even have 10 types of awards but we just say that for shits and giggles!
Free Shots GUy: nice..... i like how things are run here....ive got an idea...how about we rate Bushes 8 Years in Office and give him an award.....and just tell him "based on Americans....and people at our company, We have chosen you as #1 President" and just give him one along w/ a notarized piece of paper that reads "#1 in Excellence" Then when he REALLY thinks hes getting hte award we just all BREAK out laughing are assses off!
HGRM: FUCKING FABULOUS!!!! I LOVE HOW YOU THINK!!! MATTER FACT...GET MARRY IN HERE............hey MARRY PROMOTE THIS GUY TO SENIOR VP of MARKETING!!
FreeShots GUy: ummmm......yeah...so i actually dont even WORK here...i work in accounting on the 5th floor for Wienstien and Kentelburger Attorneys at Law...i just wondered down her for the the free shots cuz this room gets pretty loud since im right above you guys.
HGRM: FUCK IT!! EVERY ONE FINISH YOUR LAST SHOTS...AND GET THIS FUCKER A JOB HERE!!!!!! Dont forget our company motto........"WE RUN SHIT HERE...........YOU JUST LIVE HERE!!"
Mike: umm....isnt that from the movie...Training...
Mike: shut the fuck up man......do u WANNA get us fired?!
HGRM: ALRIGHTY NEXT MEETING IS AT 2....DONT FORGET EVERY1 GETS A FREE BOTTLE OF JAGER IF U ATTEND!!
so THAT is my inteturpritation of what goes down at a typical JD POWER meeting. before i go i have a pet peve i wanna get off my chest......it has to do w/ people on myspace or facebook......like y is it necesarry to take a god damn picture of yourself IN A MIRROR?!! like ARE U TO LAZY to turn the camera AT YOU.....or is every1 too fucking retarded and dont know how to use an AUTO TIMER!!! yeah they exist on EVERY camera....i can fucking guarantee you this! SO i have a random picture for you that i saw on some1s facebook....and i just couldnt comprehend "WHYY??!!" so here is that picture:
ok FIRST OFF.....its in AN ELEVATOR!!!
SECOND.......WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A MIRROR IN THE ELEVATOR!!??
THIRD: y take a picture of YOU and your stupid CUNT friend IN an ELEVATOR in the FIRST PLACE!!!!! there should be filters on myspace and facebook for stupid fucks like this!
Ive got no quotes or anything to leave you with....so just enjoy til i write a new one on monday.....cuz ill be in Philly gettting PHUKED UP beyond recognition!!!! Dont worry ill hav some fucking story to tell..........